juzme

2010-09-08T01:15:00.002+08:00

back

I'm surprised that I actually do remember the password to this forgotten corner. It came so naturally. Looking back at the hundreds of entries and drafts, this little domain has actually gone through a few ordeals with me. Maybe it's time I start writing again.

It's just disturbing to see the entries evolve from happy thoughtless ones to those filled with sombre, emotional entries. Too much information to divulge in this public cyberspace. I should know better.

Prolly just one of those days.

There's an assignment due in 10h time, shoot me.

hello, you

till the time I log in again,
out

2010-03-25T21:32:00.001+08:00

HOOLAH

I'm still alive, very much I would like to think

2010-02-20T01:51:00.004+08:00

just cos I really can't seem to get started on work...

Dear Cherlyn Phua, below are your Personality Tests result:Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve. Your view on yourself: Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are down-to-earthƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : People like you because you are so straightforwardƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both partiesThe type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking: Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You like seriousƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : SmartƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Determined peopleƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You don't judge a book by its coverƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : So good-looking people aren't necessarily your styleƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyesYour readiness to commit to a relationship: Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right personƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that personThe seriousness of your love: Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sexƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractiveƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : So you will find yourself with plenty of datesYour views on education: Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Education is very important in lifeƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You want to study hardƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Learn as much as you canThe right job for you: Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You're a practical personƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Will choose a secure job with a steady incomeƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Knowing what you like to do is importantƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Find a regular job doing just thatƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You'll be set for lifeHow do you view success: Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are afraid of failureƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeedƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageousWhat are you most afraid of: Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : You are concerned about your imageƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : The way others see youƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other peopleƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : It's time for you to believe in who you areƸ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ : Not what you wear

is it true? =)

ok I know it's just a standard set of answers that most people can relate to.

p.s. HELLO KLEON HELLO WEE WEE =D

2010-02-20T01:51:00.001+08:00

2010-02-11T01:38:00.006+08:00

In times like this

As the title suggest, in times like this I log into this little domain of mine to type aimlessly and thoughtlessly, with minimal 'backspace' and basically just rambling whatever that comes to my mind. No formatting, no need for coherence or proper OWL purdue writing. And these are the few times where I really discover the joy of writing again.

Being judged, reprimanded or corrected hurts my self-esteem and thus I need time to pick myself up from where I fall. It's usually the situation not the person or so I have been told, but I tend to take things personally, a downfall sometimes.

There are so many things due on Friday. Wish I don't crumble by then. Meetings of different forms tomorrow. Come Friday afternoon I will be free-ier, and off I go to pamper my nails and a little hair lovin.

I think I have enough steamboat to last me till next year. Anyhow, I love the company. =)

A whole new experience. To embrace or not? Isn't this selfish to start with? I will ponder and give more thought into this, when I retrieve it from the back of my mind. It's not pressing, but it lingers and it screws the mind once in a while. Thankful for wonderful friends who listen. I miss you people already. Just the few whom I hold dear, and that is really enough. My blessings in little bundles.

I'm learning to say NO and is getting quite good at it, just don't target my weak spot. The sense of empowerment makes me feel, alive. I'm living for myself after all.

comeonchercomeon you can do it!

I'm looking forward to...

I'll find something.

-I need to link my paras and points so they flow. Write better I must. It's a form of expression after all. Learn.

Would be nice to constantly have someone around to offer pep talks. I'll do the same for you! Loads of commitment required though. haha. I guess I really ask too much. High expectations? Someone who lives for me, but that doesn't mean I'll do the same. (someone like Daddy, really) Yes, I deserve to be shot dead for blatantly proclaiming how selfish I can be. Since it's never gonna happen, (crosses fingers and toes in ultimate optimism) I'll seek comfort from inanimate objects for now. At least my iphone, pink box, and the lancer are always somewhere around. Oh, and Jonus too.

2010-01-31T00:57:00.002+08:00

Goodbye for now...

4 times to the airport this past week is probably too much for me to handle. Especially when I hate departure halls, ever since the time when we went on a holiday and Daddy could meet us only later.

I would like to think that I have evolved to become a stronger girl ever since the tumble back when I was 19, and the fact that I was forced to be independent when I stayed in hall for a year. However, I guess I can never kick the emotional trait out of me.

So MS has left for Aussie again, the 4th time already I think. (maybe more) This time just feels more difficult cos we spent lots of time together and hence it takes a longer period for us to adjust and get used to it again.

I'm glad the guys appeared at the right time. Their usual goofiness helped a great deal. Izzie too of course.

Till dec.

I'm currently leading a home-school-home-school (slot in shopping anywhere) life so there's really nothing much to blog about.

Again, I need something to look forward to so that I can keep going and make it thru this sem smoothly.

2010-01-21T00:44:00.002+08:00

Sticky Situation

Just when I'm more or less accustomed to the mundane school life I have again,
Temasek Hall offered me a room and I was thrown off immediately.

Major Dilemma. How now?

p.s. Kleon help me. haha

2010-01-11T00:30:00.003+08:00

booksbooksbooks

Hope this sem will be a much better one. What happened last sem will not be repeated this sem. The fall left me in pieces and I'm still patching up.

5 heavy mods with 4 core, I can do it.

2010-01-05T00:27:00.002+08:00

Procrastinator Queen

I have an entire draft dated 1st Jan but I'm not quite done with it. It doesn't help that points pop up in my head when I'm travelling on the bus or just doing other things. But when I face this screen I blank out.

Will work on it. Probably be done in 2011.

It's a new year. Make the best of it. =)

2009-12-30T18:46:00.006+08:00

And so it voice down to this again...

When relations are based just on obligations, 'forced' obligations, a given and one-sided favours, always.

Will a common understanding and solution ever arise?

Reciprocity is the word. Little acts of thanks and sweet gestures could probably make it up.

' Are you ___?' This sentence is starting to irk me, big time.

But looking at me and my inability to give a direct NO, I will still offer and might just feel made-used of, taken for granted for a long time to come, nothing more.

Oh bother

You can give me gallons of petrol as present next time, it will help. Or maybe I should reply to the scam email and marry to the Middle East for those crude oil. OR, just be a true friend who will always be there.

Am I really that nice? I don't know anymore.

2009-12-27T19:29:00.009+08:00

Just cos I'm an awesome photographer...
admire my works! =P The few pieces I really love.

Christmas Eve and a greater part of Christmas Day this year was spent at home, just sitting around with my family. It was fuss free, yet pleasant and very comforting. Took me 7h on Christmas Eve's night to hand make all these cards and I'm glad to say that I'm happy with how they turned out to be.Watching TV show reruns along the way sure brought me back to the good old primary school days. Ahhh sweet nostalgia. I can't seem to arrange the photos. RAWR

2009-12-23T01:30:00.002+08:00

The higher the hopes, The greater the expectations, The harder the fall...

Life hasn't been exactly smooth sailing these few days, with my health taking a toil and the accumulation of a few unhappy events. At one point I even thought that I might never be happy again since my life at this point in time (well almost) depended entirely on this.
Well, people move on and look forward, ahead to a brighter, better tomorrow.

I felt that I had no one to talk to and should just coop myself up at home and think thru things, but I'm glad that there are people around me who willingly listen and bother to ask how I'm doing.
Even though I might seem to shrug it off and appear perfectly fine if I don't feel comfortable sharing with some who asked, I'm still thankful for that genuine concern.
Only some will truly know.

There's still a whole load of Christmas parties and gatherings coming up. I shall attempt to look forward to them.

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. ~ Winston Churchill

2009-12-18T00:09:00.003+08:00

It must be karma...

After the somewhat 'controversial' blog post and the bumping-into today, I'm feeling guilty.

And maybe karma is acting up in the form of ooziness, flu, bad throat and cough. Just when my favourite brands are all going on SALE. Kill me already. Hope I get well soon! Loving all my friends =)

More activities coming up!

My dears:

2009-12-16T23:08:00.002+08:00

The case of the blues...

Before I start, HELLO KLEON LOH I know you're reading this and I hope this keeps you company at work. =)

Went over to Siloso Beach Resort with KCC (thanks K for your lovely sizzling fiery Murano rides), stayed over for a day and came back with sore throat and a bad cough. I thought those numerous Arts Camps have trained me well, apparently not. Being able to make a comfortable pillow out of my cotton bag, using clothes to cushion my backbone and towels as jacket will not prevent me from catching a cold and falling sick. Oh bother. Ok, maybe the sore throat was caused by the accumulation of the screwed up body clock routine, not drinking enough water, junkie lifestyle and getting too excited and a tad too loud while getting my hands on L4D2.

L4D2 was way fun though. I've improved! More to come please! Am now immune to gory. The effects of the mass media, haiz.

For now, I think I need to be alone. My 'roller coaster' theory sets in, again.

Hopefully Wing Tai will make me a very happy girl tomorrow.

2009-12-15T01:48:00.007+08:00

The greatest love of all...

The people I can never live without.
Thank you for loving and teaching me to love.

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.
~Desmond Tutu

2009-12-13T23:24:00.007+08:00

When it's just not reciprocal, when people are standing on different grounds

Must've flooded this space with one thought(s) too many regarding this issue already, but somehow after so long, the tinge of sadness still overwhelms me occasionally.

I used to think and would still think that you are a special, close friend of mine. It pains to see that all those happy times we spent together, living together and never ending HTHTs have reduced to nought. This is especially significant when friends mean almost the world to me at that point in time.

Call me a sentimental emotional old fool, but I guess you just matter more to me, that's why it hits harder.

You seem to be leading your life really well, in a world where I don't exist and where the past has been diminished to just a mere flash of blurry unworthy happenings.

I would like to think and further affirm that I have given you more than enough and have provided you with whatever support I can, through ups and downs, good and bad times, and this might have led to the downfall, maybe.

It hurts, and maybe it would do me good if I just not reminisce and allow it to become part of a faded memory. Something to not ever be mentioned or thought of again. But, what do I say when friends start asking? Feign a smile or spill the truth? That we no longer are, cos of? Emotional vs Practicality? Just pure differences? Is it really? I don't even know it myself.

From now on I'll focus more on those who love me and those who put in effort to improve relations, will be much happier this way. But, if you look back, somewhere around you might still see me, at the same spot where you left me. If this is how it feels like losing a dear friend, gradually walking out of your world, I would rather choose not to know you in the first place.

The excessive intake of Chlorine from Scotts Royal Park has probably intoxicated my mind and cause me to dwindle into a state of emotional loss. It's time to sleep. 3.5h ahead of bed time

When I wake up it will be a brand new wonderful day again, just like always. =)

Just a sudden thought: I usually don't feel comfortable making my blog known to friends, even when they ask. Why is this so? Is this because this blog is a misrepresentation of me, a platform for all my wildest exaggeration, or does this blog truly reflect my well hidden and concealed thoughts and feelings, something beyond the sunshine, cheeful, bubbly ( I refuse to add bimbotic) exterior? You tell me. Ok I better hit the sack before I screw myself up.

2009-12-12T23:33:00.005+08:00

Tuck, tuck, tuck it in

Shooting with the family went pretty ok today.
I bet the super smooth talker uncle must've thought that I'm a bitch with a temper and is sure to hate me. But no, I'm not allowing my parents to pay $1200 for those few photos (which can easily get me a ticket to US on good days; give me time to heal, it's been a bad romance) and yes, I insist that I'm a leftie 70% head tilted to an angle. I've seen my own face for 21 years. You're professional, but I know myself better. Just liquify where I tell you to. I'm an alpha female with an attitude to boot. My parents' doing.
A tired me is an angsty me.

After not being able to sleep cos of the whole coffee and tummyache mix, plus being rudely awaken at an outrageous hour (11.30 am to be exact), I'm finally feeling sleepy now, at 11.42 p.m. Hooray!

Long day tomorrow!

Tummy still hurts though.
My 40 year old uncle is at zoukout. blah... Mewanttogotoo

Photolog up soon, when I feel like it.
Feel like victimizing someone now.

edit

Oh, and here comes one right at this moment. Sorry hon you caught me at the wrong time. Seriously, how dim can guys get sometimes? ( Disclaimer: Good guy friends not inclusive. You know who you are)

2009-12-12T04:09:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, just sometimes...

HELLO YOU.
blog's unlocked. =)

The holidays have been a rather lazy and sluggish one thus far, with me sleeping at 6am and waking up only at 3pm every single day. So that just means I head out for meet ups at night these days.

So far, these have brought me joy and lots of laughter:

- The lovely wedding which took place immediately after the exams, under a huge canopy in fort canning, a garden party!
- A usual zi char steamboat round table family style with KCC, all finally (still alive I'm glad) after the exams.
- MJ/Rockband/HTHT session over at Chomp's was fun too.
- Grooving to Bad Romance with the girls after loads of various liquids ingestion was definitely an epic night.
- Something which totally made my day after I received bad news: MS' return and the spontaneous chill out and HTHT session over at K's was heartwarming.
- Dinner, movie and late night tau huey with hallies have been a habit already. It's comforting to know that at least the friendship doesn't cease to exist once I'm no longer in hall.

Somehow typing all these out just gives me the warm fuzzy feeling all over again. A comfortable kind of therapy for me.

The simple things in life can be really therapeutic too. Solitary drives late into the night, shutting yourself off from the rest of the world and just being a fangirl/netizen, ( sacrificing the perfect eyesight) dinners and dramas with the family ( Ch 8, 9pm daily), spending time alone to think about life and what it brings can really keep one grounded and to an extent, sane in this insane world.

Instead of dwelling in misery and lamenting over the circumstance we're in, it might just be better to engage in the simple little things once in a while and emerge stronger to face whatever challenges that come your way. Eventually, no one can dictate your life for you, you got to be responsible for how you want it to turn out. It's really mind over matter. Hopefully those around me would be able to sort things out and be happy, truly happy. =)

I'm still rather upset over the whole issue. Things always get worse when jealousy sets in. With greater expectations come greater disappointment. How very true. However, I believe that everything happens for a reason and opportunities will definitely come when the time is right. So the most I can do now is to make the best of what is before me. Someday I will be able to cross the globe and experience the life I've always dreamt of. Optimism, determination, faith and hope, albeit intangible and unmeasurable, is definitely a strong force to keep one going.

Family photoshoot later! It's the first time the family comes together for an official professional photo. Rather hyped out for it. However, I'm currently feeling super wide awake, accompanied by a terrible tummy ache. Fine I concede defeat. Cold/ Blended coffee/Chilli padi will never co-exist harmoniously with the stomach. Maybe Starbucks just doesn't agree with me, specifically Darkchoccherrymochafrap.

Really looking forward to the coming weeks, especially with Christmas drawing near. Just makes me want give everyone a nice warm hug, making known to them how much they mean to me and how I'm so thankful they've entered my life=D

ok, this post have been rather cheesy. It's the prelude to The Christmas Post afterall.

Just hope the tummy will stop hurting soon.

2009-12-06T17:20:00.001+08:00

Falalalalalalalala

It's the holidays! And that means backlogs.

photos up soon! =)

2009-12-01T02:45:00.002+08:00

The overwhelming sense...

Sudden influx of thoughts today, probably arising from the little break that I have given myself after almost 4 weeks of consecutive mugging.

Now I understand what it means by men can go crazy if given too much free time. The mind knows no boundaries you see.

Realized that I have always given myself excuses to avoid the straight-in-the-face happenings and instant thoughts. But, is it really what it appears to be, what I think it is? Maybe, maybe not. It's always changing at different times, just a little too prolong now. And I don't like this uncertainty.

I'm independent and free spirited. Gotta remember that.

'People do not built invisible walls around themselves on purpose. They build walls to see who are the ones who actually put in extra effort and care to break this wall down'

hear me ramble!

2009-12-01T00:34:00.004+08:00

one thing after another...

Left the exam hall rather chirpy and much more relaxed today. However, mood for the entire day was dampened by:

1) realizing that I wrote the exact opposite for 2 parts in a particular question for soci tourism. I hope I won't flunk it. The points were all there, just that the categorization was wrong. =( The paper only has 2 questions. =((

One thing leads to another, so I started looking back;

2) made some careless mistakes for advertising strategies
3) didn't know what 'anti-establishment' was in founding figures for religions
4) Didn't have time to finish last essay for intercultural comms and hence last question was messy

and today, this.

SoSad.
I won't even bother about all these in Year 1. People do start to grow up and prioritize don't they?

1 more to go. I hope it won't be a no. 5

Really want to enjoy this holiday.

Need to step out of this whole 'crying over spilt milk' thing.
wanttodowell

2009-11-30T01:27:00.002+08:00

I secretly like to say 'siao liao lah' and ' wa lao eh' even though I scorn at what society sees as outlandish ah-lians.
ok that is something totally random.

I have a paper in less than 12h, readings not fully done and yet I'm no longer panicking. ( if you follow my tweets you will see how I constantly whine over this particular module) Maybe the panic-o-meter has broken.

Hopefully everything goes well later and I can smoke pages and pages from the few mere concepts that I have. Bless me.

Am tired of this draggy long exam period,especially this sem. Though the spread is good and gives me more time to study for upcoming papers, it's mentally draining, not to mention financially too, being confined at home with ibanking.

upCAPup ok! =)

Post exams activities start immediately after the last paper on the 3rd. And by immediate I mean a full day of wedding celebrations on the 4th and the action never stops from then onwards.

I wish to emerge on the 3rd all smiling, with a lighter heart and to enjoy the sweet tantalizing smell of freedom.

I miss all my friends! you, you, you!

2009-11-27T03:38:00.004+08:00

Something to call my own.

something which belongs only to me

something special

somewhere out there

till paths cross

3 down 2 more to go.

2009-11-24T18:26:00.007+08:00

HAPPY SWEETEST 21st

MELISSA SEE XIN LEI!

Another year has gone, and everyone in KCC is now officially 21! Cheers to 7 strong years of friendship and counting. We've come a long way thru ups and downs and I shall spare you with all the I Love You's, how I'm so glad you're a part of my life and how you're missed by everyone back home. Ok. I just reiterated my point, all over again, having said the same thing for the past few years.

Some things come straight from the heart and just need not be spoken. You know what I mean. =) cos between friends there are no reasons. I quote you!

We'll have a real blast when you're back dear! Looking forward to those unlimited hangout and crazy sessions! For now, have a great an awesome 21st cos you totally deserve the very best

2 down 3 more to go! It will be good and fine! =D

What does the excessive worrying and concern means?

It means nothing lah ok Cherlyn it means nothing! grrr.

2009-11-22T02:21:00.002+08:00

From the Great 'I' to 'We'

Many a times we are too absorbed into our picture perfect world, concerning with only matters that involves 'me' and tweaking situations so that 'I' will be pleased with it. It's an inherent trait of most, just that we almost never mention it for fear of being perceived as self-centered and egocentric. This is when we respect Ris Low for being brave enough to admit that' everything is really all about me', not caring what others see or say. Maybe respect is not the most appropriate word to use here.

Isn't it time for us to step out of our little bubble and empathize with those around us? Why criticize and be so quick to pass judgements when we can spend all these times understanding and relating? Most of them are people we care about after all. Of course I'm no angel myself, I'm guilty of this aspect too, very to be exact.

From ethnocentrism to ethnorelativism. I would love to see this day.
Maybe if we start by thinking 'we' instead of 'I', more of collectivism rather than individualism. gosh I love intercultural comms module. =D

2 terror papers backtoback in the next week. We'll see how you do it Cherlyn.

2009-11-19T01:05:00.001+08:00

It never stops ticking.

Time, and money is running out. The sense of urgency is finally hitting in. Give me 48hours a day please? Ok, it is not possible. Slapped, awoken with a rude shock, it's full force now.

2009-11-17T01:41:00.002+08:00

I don't like how I'll feel low after every high.
Nevertheless, wai yen's surprise was a sucess. We managed to pull off the whole garden party romantica theme with home cooked goodness. Jamming with these loves was great joy too.

MS: Come back soon. IMU. Looking forward to the consecutive days we'll be together. So lovesick... ;p
Evee: You get your ass back here too babe!

For now, mentality's gotta be tuned to the exams. NM3215, NM2201, GEK 1045, SC2217 and NM2102. I'm going to live, breathe, eat, conquer you! NM3215 presentation ended on a good note. Really good in our opinion. Hopefully this streak will go on all the way till the 3rd of December.

Must constantly remember that this study break will make or break me. This study break is NOT a vacation!

I see me in you...

2009-11-14T03:56:00.001+08:00

Cherlyn:

wants to/ has to/ must/ needs to go on a holiday.
A nice short getaway this december.
Asian countries for now please.
=D

2009-11-11T23:18:00.002+08:00

Why is it that when I want to start studying hard I always find something else to keep me occupied for long periods of time?
At least the pink box looks more appealing and livable now. Took me the whole day. darn.

something random: I actually enjoy beautiful music with meaningful lyrics and singing along to them. Makes me happy. =)

Maybe it's not worth it anymore. Shall not pine for it. Lesser to deal with too!

2009-11-09T23:34:00.004+08:00

Round and Round and Round again...

Received the email from OSA for semester stay procedure in sem 2 and here I am again, where I left, just that this time the first choice is clear.

It's now for the people, the late night hang out sessions, hthts that never seem to end and just being around each other, and of course travelling time will be cut down by 98%.

Lizards, horrible dinners, dining alone, showering alone, lack of sleep, chui cap again(crosses fingers), new additions, those who matter not around anymore and just changes. We'll come to that I guess, if I do that is...

Can we just go back to where we started off?

benefits vs costs. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and feel another altogether and wake up the next day feeling like this again. Who knows?

2009-11-07T17:50:00.003+08:00

Walking in the winter wonderland...

Although it might be a tad too early to bask in the entire Christmas mood now, but I just can't help it. Blame it on consumerism and commercialisation. Christmas has been pushed forward almost every year, especially with APEC this year.

Instead of lamenting about how commercialized Christmas has been and throwing distasteful glances at everything associated with it, why not just accept what is presented with open arms and a forgiving heart? That's what the season of giving and sharing is really about ain't it?

We don't have the luxury of rolling in white fluffy snow, counting snowflakes, watching the spectacular fireworks at Times Square, Christmas carolling along the streets, enjoying a sumptuous traditional dinner in front of a fire place, sitting around a life sized real Christmas tree piled with presents in a warm cosy cottage, enjoying hot choc/cuppa and watching angels sprinkle everything outside with white goodness, trudging thru the thick snow for Black Friday/Boxing day Sales at 12am, Macy's, Woodbury, I hear you...

But back home, there's family and friends and that is probably enough. Although Christmas will usually be so localized till the extent that we do take outs, BBQs, Steamboats with pin-sized Christmas trees in air conditioned rooms. It's the company that matters after all.

Once Dec 3rd comes and go, I will be up on my feet planning parties! Definitely looking foward to spending quality time gathering and partying with family and pockets of friends. <3

Christmas lightups, carolling/croaking, promotions, Christmas events and even foam snow, I love it all. I might even go for midnight mass!

Everyone has their own interpretations of Christmas. Having a mutual understanding and respect would be ideal. =)

White Christmas- soon. I'll come to you.

2009-11-05T21:58:00.002+08:00

Relinquished beautiful dream.

I've probably lived in self denial all this while, but that is the easiest way to live.

Today, the sense of nostalgia threw me over yet again.

I miss those days. But things will never be the same again, will it?

Look forward and move on already...

Started the car and engaged the reverse gear immediately. For the first time ever an auto car died on me. Hidden innuendo it seems.

IMU.

Life's not all about fun. Note That.

2009-11-03T00:14:00.001+08:00

Disorder?

I can't stop thinking of shopping. Sometimes I can't stop shopping. But the consolation is I still consider prices.

h e l p .

2009-10-31T18:36:00.001+08:00

I realized that I cannot be tied down, for long, whatever it may be.

That is rather scary.

2009-10-31T17:20:00.003+08:00

Truth or not?

Sometimes you really wonder if friends truly enjoy your company, or they actually like the convenience of having your four wheeler around more, with you becoming an extra, a mere operator.

It might seem as though I'm having doubts on the establishment of the friendship, but this issue itself says something about how your friend(s) value/treat you in the first place. In the end, both are placed in a difficult spot.

All standing there after a gathering, waiting for the other party to say something first. One wants but doesn't say, while the other doesn't want but doesn't know how to say. Sounds familiar? You bet. Suddenly any forms of laughter previously evolved to silence, awkwardness. Instantly.

I truly understand how some around me feel now, and I don't ever want to make them feel like this. It is definitely not an obligation, responsibility. Just backfiring of one's initial consideration for others.

It doesn't pay to be nice?
I'm reciprocal. And I can go to the ends of the world for friends, provided...
If you know what I mean. It takes the efforts of two.

It's probably all in the communication process/method/style. Occupational hazard it must be, I hope I'm mistaken.

2009-10-28T00:42:00.002+08:00

Ankle's a lot better today, all thanks to Daddy dearest and family's concern. <3
Friends too!
This incident made me realized that my threshold for pain, apart from heels, is really not too high after all.

It's starting to get harder and more tiring. Will have to pull through. Just 5 more weeks to go!

All's done. I shall just cross my fingers and wish for the best now.
US of the A, I want to see you this time, next year.

It appears to be that whenever I have an unhappy post as the latest entry, I would want to write about happier things and push the unhappy entries into archives. I guess being cheerful, bubbly, excessively talkative, optimistic fun-loving and always smiling suits me more! This is the real me, oh yes it is! =D

2009-10-26T22:10:00.004+08:00

Forlon.

I sprained my ankle,

and

it's project week ( deadlines, reports, presentations)

Wonderful ain't it?

Are my parts really irrelevant? Do they not matter? Whatever it is, there's effort put into it. But I guess, people don't really care. The truth hurts. I'm over sensitive, let me be. No one truly cares anyway.

Someone said that apart from the facade, I'm actually a closet emo. ( As much as I hate that word) Maybe.

Listen before judging, put oneself in other's shoes. Understanding is the word.

Words can kill.

Emotional torment is worse than physical pain. Much worse.

Don't confront me. I'm only human.

2009-10-26T00:44:00.000+08:00

come be my sweet surrender.

Just wanna be happy.

2009-10-20T23:46:00.008+08:00

A little thinker...

I made a friend today. She is pretty, tall, smart, very intellectual, speaks with a wonderful accent and has such a lovable personality. She is almost perfect and it is just impossible to hate her. Jealousy is another story altogether. I like her already, so very much.

As I look around me, I see people around my age working hard for a degree, and apart from that, they are carving out a niche for themselves. Blogshops, Modelling, Photography, Materializing business ideas and just something different, something they love doing.
But when I observed the working professionals at Raffles Place just now, I realized that they all carry with them the same expression, as if devoid of emotions, the burden of the world on their shoulders. Some sitting along having a quick puff/bite or two, others rushing along, either on their mobiles or appearing seemingly deep in thoughts. At this point in time, I was stumped, freaked out. To me, they looked like they are being forced to conform to the order of the society and are thus losing themselves gradually. I looked up and saw lights streaming out from little stacked-up glass pigeon holes that pierce through the cloudless dark night sky.

Do I want to be like them? Definitely not. Do I have a choice? Will I end up like this? I don't know.

As I looked further into the distance, something comforting and promising caught my eye. 2 outstanding models dressed in full white, posing avant garde style, the sound of the shutter emitting in continuous mode from a young photographer wanting to achieve perfection, the vibrancy and enthusiasm of 2 creative/art directors looking on and the wonderful dynamics of the entire team created an invisible glow and aura wherever they went. People turned, looked in awe and spoke in whispers, good things I hope. And ahhhh,I hear it. I'm part of them. My group mates and fellow friends they are.

From envisioning how our campaign will look like, to the choosing of models, clothes, finding suitable makeup/ hairdos, determining the exact location for various shoots and taking into account mise-en-scene with the lighting problem constantly bugging us, thinking of appropriate poses for models, and finally seeing what I visioned and imagined to unfold and materialize right before my eyes. It's a magical feeling and I had so much fun being involved in every aspect of it.

Although we all had different art directions, takes and vision on how the ads should be conceptualized, I am highly intrigued by the many ideas and perceptions that are produced, with each being so unique and creative.

Planning, art direction, materializing, I love it all. Being in the creative industry is definitely not a piece of cake, with it all being so subjective, fluid and more of a 'soft-skill,' all taken with a stroke of luck and opportunity. Everyone is and can be creative. But who knows until you've tried it right? I'm looking forward to the end result, all the while excited. This is one awesome module, with the scenario being closest to the real world out there, away from the shelters of Kent Ridge.

In Year 1 sem 1 I built a model after reading thru scenes in the script. In Year 1 sem 2 I went to the Zoo and tried to communicate with Otters. Now in Year 2 sem 1 I tried my hands at advertising, both the theory and creative aspect. I wonder what's in store next sem?

Things definitely change when one gives in his/her best when doing it, with a happy mindset! It's easier this way too, as compared to lamenting about the shortchanges in life.

I'm off to find my niche now!

Passion, find it, live it.

2009-10-20T00:18:00.003+08:00

the word STRESS is being brought to a whole new level. And it's only Monday.
Threading on deadlines and thrill pill suddenly doesn't seem so alluring anymore.

Hopefully photoshoot runs smoothly later!

In times like this, I need to shop.
What's new?

2009-10-17T13:14:00.002+08:00

Love in all forms, optimism at its peak.

This week hasn't been smooth sailing, with family and friendship issues setting in.
Typed an entire entry on my perspective regarding family but decided not to post it up in the end. No one likes to rinse dirty linen in the public I'm sure. Maybe next time.

For the second F, I shall just take it that it's cos I'm loved, valued and that my company matters that's why there are even disputes in the first place. Rather than thinking that it might just be plain selfishness on the part of the other, a stand-in. Is it even so?

I just saw a glimmer of hope for the world religions module. Sometimes, little encouragments and rewards really helps!

Was with the girls last night and someone quoted a soci lecturer, claiming that
' being single is a waste of resources.' The reason being everything will just be used for one's consumption, including housing and cars. Hello! I will not share my car or room with anyone ok, attached or not. haha.
So people, get attached/married so as to not waste resources! We had a good laugh over that, by the pool, pizza aplenty.

Popped by to visit (gloat. haha) the hallies after that. My heart went out to them. Exhaustion and fatigue were written all over their faces. Was so tempted to bundle those few up and throw them in the backseat. But that defeats the purpose of night cycling of course. It felt good to see familiar faces again, engaging in small chats and just catching up on each others' lives.

I'm good in doing hi-byes but I don't really like it, at all.

However, I realized that due to changes in circumstances, things will never be the same again. The building may still be there, but once the people inside change, the entire atmosphere is different. Sentimental much? As much as I embrace changes and variety in life, sometimes you just want things to remain status quo for as long as possible. Love-hate relationship.

Then again, I still enjoy the little occasional suppers/ outings, just hanging around rooms doing nothing in particular, piling on the bed and dreaming of the perfect holiday and just basically, the company. Warm fuzzy nice feeling never fails to set in. Just the particular few.

Life is actually pretty simple. It is us and our complex thinking and vast ideologies which make everything seem so complex in the end.

A friend asked me an easy question yesterday, I couldn't answer. And so I wonder. Disclaimer: It's nothing to do with my intellectual or intelligence meter. There's an underlying meaning within that question.

All that aside, there's 3 gatherings in 1 night, tonight. That's when I have to start prioritizing ( something which I am really bad at) and categorize family, friends and the significance of each gathering. I can't be at all 3 places in one time can I? Don't use the word 'pangseh' and 'bo jio'. I absolutely detest it. Are they even proper words in the first place? It's queer how things just all happen at once when you are busy and life is filled with activities. When one is free and needs company, suddenly there's no one.

Project work sets in full fledge next week. Week 10 to be exact, very late I know. Thrill pill might be 'kill me' in the end.
Check out this space again next week this time to see if I'm still alive.

"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... until you climb into his skin and walk around in it." -To Kill a Mockingbird

How True.

2009-10-12T22:37:00.002+08:00

Questions, questions, questions...

And I start wondering all over again. Do I really know you? Or is it just me thinking that I know you?

There's more than one 'you' here.

Does it even matter?

-edit-
Thinking of possible year-end/ mid-year trips make me happier.
Shall make it materialize!
Family and Friends, Cherlyn's gonna be at it again!
(I want to go on a holiday/ Let's go _____ X 1000 times a day)

2009-10-05T23:05:00.008+08:00

Instant gratification, which really doesn't last for long...

So, after the big hooha of going to school today ( cabbed no less, it's almost becoming a routine), and leaving after 15mins after realizing that there is no tutorial, I went to engage in what I'm best at. Is it human nature to always use excuses and attribute them to their actions, so that they will feel less guilty?

I did though, on the pretext that I was angry and irritated. (Thinks back to Confessions of a Shopaholic) If the future Mr is going to ever piss me off, I might just swipe his till the 3 security numbers behind fade and the embossed numbers in front turn so smooth that it slips thru one's fingers. haha. Looking forward to that actually.

Messaged all of KCC girls to whine and they all replied me almost instantly with the funniest comments, each one linked closely to their personality. <3

Slowed down my walking pace today and stopped at times to marvel at art pieces along the way, wonderful window displays and just observed people. It was a whole new experience.

It's good to spend time alone once in a while, therapeutic shopping and just going anywhere without having to accomodate friends or family. Me time is great, though sometimes I wish someone would pop out when I need to eat or rest, and then vanish again when I shop.

I actually got what I wished already, my beloved, trustworthy iphone, with sgwireless of course.

Will prolly never use other brands of mobile phones again, except for the berry maybe. So blingiphone you better don't die on me so soon cos I will die without you.

Experienced immense joy and satisfaction within a span of a few hours today. But once I reached home and pry open the emptier and lighter wallet and see loads of receipts falling out ( the equivalent of a tree), and harsh reality sinks in, it's Oh Shit all over again.

I love the catchy taglines that rubi have came up with recently. They sure understand women best! Tugging at our emotions and then our spending power, wicked! I sure hope our advertising project will turn out this successful.

It's another round tomorrow. Orh Oh.

2009-10-03T12:23:00.009+08:00

Exhausted, Fatigue, Worn out, Defunct

Non-stop activities the past few days make me a very tired and angsty girl now. Don't step on my tail.

In times like this it makes you wonder once again, amongst the many faces, which are the real, sincere, true, loyal, loving ones?

Maybe it's just different expectations that's all.

I'm over this. Or so I think/hope. Pride, Dignity, Self-worth matters more I guess.
It's so much easier to recieve love rather than give unconditionally, without expecting to reap anything in return. Giving too much can be painful.

I don't know how these furry loves can do it though. My life-long companion.

Shall just look forward to the next 3 consecutive Fridays. Fun with 3 different groups of friends! People who I love. =)

2009-10-01T21:10:00.002+08:00

The Ugly Truth

Much awaited, and true enough, it did not disappoint. It turned my world topsy turvy for a moment cos my perfect bubble was smashed into smithereens. I shall patch it back!

Midterm, assignment and long school day on a friday. Not looking forward to it. Can't we just fast forward it all to after 4pm?

New tauhuey craving not satisfied. Not happy.

I Love daddy for allowing me to use the car as and when I want, and for all the unspoken little gestures that he has done. I know he'll never read this ( I think), but I'm just thankful. <3
All men should be like this!

Meeting friends everywhere and anywhere around school today made me happy. =)

My brains are mashed, thoughts jumbled.

2009-09-29T22:09:00.004+08:00

something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue...

Just watched a snippet of Fann Wong and Christopher Lee's wedding, celebrity style no less. Glitz, glamour, rolls royce, flowers galore, $300 000 wedding gown, $2.5 million worth of bling, Maldives photoshoot, and 100 tables of blessings.

I was touched.

Mainly cos of all the love and blessings which filled the air, apart from the dream wedding that all girls would love to have. ( Think Vera Wang, Bally, buckets of diamonds, roses of all colours, and the works)

Pure bliss and happiness was written all over the newlyweds' faces, something which even the best actors cannot portray I'm sure, without true love and sincere joy within.

Mushy as it may be, but aren't weddings supposed to be filled to the brim with love blessings and passion? The world is not all that pretty I know. But it's always good to imagine that life will be perfect and beautiful on this special day, although it may only really last for one day.

My childhood dream of being a wedding planner is being rekindled. Again. I just hope I won't end up like Jane in 27 Dresses. Too much of good things can be bad, especially if they aren't yours to keep, 27 times.

makes me wanna get married immediately sometimes. Ok, I admit it's more for the roses and the customized gownS, my wedding playlist which I deeply adore, and the party with loved ones, english style. haha.

Daddy probably sensed my 'no money no honey' syndrome and is probably afraid that I might wallow in self pity and dive into depression. He actually came back with a box of mooncakes addressed to me, alcohol aplenty. Champagne truffle, mocha with baileys, mung beans with cherry brandy truffle and chestnut lotus with grand marnier truffle. All Mine.

This blog is really just an outlet for my incessant ramblings, my egocentric domain. I'm really still loving life. =)

Two souls with but a single thought,Two hearts that beat as one.
Friedrich Halm

Destiny. Fate.
I should stop watching Disney princess series, korean dramas, happily ever after chick flicks and romance novels. They give me very unrealistic and warped expectations. Too late I suppose.

2009-09-27T13:55:00.003+08:00

It's Race day!

My girls' lives are pretty dramatic lately, and that makes me wonder how dull my life really is. haha
Don't worry I still love you girls much. =)

On a random note, what started out as a somewhat 'hidden deep down secret' has now infested the minds of some close friends. Viral as it seems, I feel a little better now as things are starting to fall into place. It's fading, and that may be a good thing.
To the few who knows, shhhhhhhh ok? It's probably really nothing significant.

I shall continue to remain skeptical, protective and only accept fairytale endings. Pride, though intangible and invisible, cost a lot I realized.

Was around the GP area yesterday and the atmosphere was just bursting with excitement. Next year I must soak myself in all the action! Thrill pill!

Still marvelling over how the rich and influential actually lead their lives. Never before have I seen so many R8s together. Awesome stuff! Fast cars totally bring out the boy in me.

A little mental note:

September issue
Coco before Chanel
The Ugly Truth
Whatever works
This Is it
A sister's keeper

After mid terms!

When the crazy extremist steps in, there's no stopping. I didn't like to watch movies last time. But now I wanna watch almost every film there is.

Some things just have to be felt and can't be said.

Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live
-Dorothy Thompson -

2009-09-26T00:51:00.005+08:00

Up and down and up again...

I swear my life operates like a roller coaster.
The 2 guardian angels made things a lot better.

I crowned you so there's no running away now!

Thank You for everything. =)

No one's vying for that position with you k MS, it's specially for you and only you. <3>

I'm not looking forward to school again but the F1 season sure is heating up! Especially since they are right here in Singapore. What's there not to love bout fast cars, loads of cute/hot, not to mention ultra rich caucasian men and just the vibrant atmosphere!

Material and Superficial bad girl, tsktsk.

I'll just enjoy all these from the comforts of my own home and probably hit the pit next time when money falls from the sky and enter parties/events when I'm older.

It's the parents' wedding anniversary today! I'm still amazed at how people can love each other and stay together for so long. True Love I reckon. sigh...

2009-09-24T14:20:00.004+08:00

Solitude.

Just when I thought I've achieved a stable and healthy equilibrium, I realize that things are actually not what it seems to be as I pry deeper.

It might all seem insignificant, but it will be good to know that people are getting hurt cos of this.
People only care for their own happiness I guess. Sad but blatantly true.

I'm beginning to understand why some people embrace solitude and enjoying living alone. When there's no expectations or basis of comparison, you don't fall hard and disappointment won't prevail.

This is what happens when there's sudden changes in my life. I go haywire for a bit. Or maybe it's been happening, just that I choose to be oblivious.

Just leave me alone for now, or do I really hope that someone who understands can come fuss over me now?

I know the downside that hopes and expectations can bring. But now I just wish that it will go through smoothly and I will be able to lead a whole new different life away from this place for a few months at least. I'm even dreaming it.

It's so curious how fast my moods can swing. It gets evidently worse when issues are close to my heart and is something which I cherish.

Life will be a lot easier if I'm less emotional, sensitive and more ignorant of the people around me. Emotional and Sensitive. A double edged sword.

Conclusion: Trust no one? Love no one? Let life revolve around just yourself so as to avoid more sadness?

I don't know.

2009-09-23T15:48:00.002+08:00

Thus far...

geylang hari raya photo trip. late night suppers. Birthday at Sentosa Cove. Flea Titans. The Cove documentary. Selegie tauhuey(=D). Bunny meetup. Arts appreciation dinner

The above summarizes my recess week thus far, module code Socializing 1101E, of which none involves studies. The procrastinator in me strikes again. oh man.

There's still more meetups, birthdays, dinners up ahead. I must watch 'The Ugly Truth' no matter what.

studyCherlynstudy!

'Lean on me' is my current all time favourite. Listen to it and I hope you share the same sentiments as me. =)

A dream is a wish your heart makes.
Cinderella

2009-09-19T15:04:00.004+08:00

I want to be so happy, satisfied and blessed in life that all I ever will wish for, is for nothing to change...

But then again, how one defines happiness is all subjective. There isn't a specific benchmark to measure happiness, the closest to it being Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Culture, socialization, globalization and brought up have influenced people's perception of happiness. Mine is no exception. Since it encompass so many factors and is that personal, I shan't elaborate so much here. People might just think that I'm a materialistic dreamer after that. haha. Of course, I'm still the angel you know and love.

School's out for a week at least. I shall choose to live in my happy bubble and forget the uncountable dates with my readings, projects, texts and midterms for now. This week had been hellofaweek and this recess week is perfect for me to regain my sanity as well as vanity. (vanish pimples vanish!)

Good things don't come easy I realized. The crazy week ended on a high, heart racing note. From mind boggling bibliographies, to duplex-repelling-printers, sprints in over sized slippers and skirt on wet slippery floors, getting lost amazing race style and finally passing the 'baton' over to the tutor. Barely made it. Exhilarating, body pumping, adrenaline rushing. Kill Thrill which I must not enagage in often if I want to die a happy old lady with a strong heart to boot.
Thank Goodness for the friend. Sometimes you just got to love calm geeks. yeah!

I'm starting to suspect that procrastinator, apart from being my middle name, is actually in my DNA as well. It's biological and that's why I'm stuck with it. Excuses much?

After immersing myself in the realm of religion these past few days, I'm further intrigued and interested in what different religions have to teach. it's time to be more receptive.

Am looking forward to the recess week, with little meet ups with different groups of friends to just catch up and update each other on our lives. Something which I love and can never can sick of. Discussing social issues with the Arts clique over food never fails to stimulate my thinking and provide me with an alternative viewpoint on issues. I'm amazed at how 4 sociological theories can be used to explain almost anything in the world. Or maybe it's because we are made to believe this that is why we alter the issues and try to fit them into the theories. I'm loving every single module I'm taking. And that's beacuse I'm in the right faculty, the best faculty to suit my personality, answer my never-ending questions, and to provide explanations for all that I've challenged.

Gonna embark on fleas tomorrow! Hopefully I'll be able to dig up some gold which can last me the entire semester. Flea markets, Sunday brunch, Garden party dresses, whizzing around in those 4 wheels with the favourite tunes away from the sweltering heat is definitely my cup of sugar joy!

Do give me a ring if you're in Dempsey area. We'll discuss happiness and life over tea and sweets alfresco style yah?

''Most of us are just about happy as we make up our minds to be.'' -Abraham Lincoln

The many reasons why I want a macbook. NOW. To think that my laptop cost the same as a macbook pro. *RAWR. apple here, apple there. Half-eaten apple everywhere! Glorious sight!

2009-09-14T01:10:00.000+08:00

Hellish week right up.
Make it or break it

I'd choose the former.

2009-09-08T21:53:00.000+08:00

It's gonna be a crazy busy week. I kinda miss that actually.
Well, it's probably the last chance for me to experience communal living and give my best, have fun, sleep at ungodly hours before I finally put a proper closure to everything and move on. =)

It'll be good I hope.

hear my voice now! =)

2009-09-06T12:17:00.000+08:00

The never ending pursuit...

So we're into week 5 of school already. That sentence itself scares the hell out of me. Mid terms, projects, exams all looming near, and I still haven't found my war gear.

Apart from all the crazy mad rush, I'm enjoying the time I have for myself, away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Too much time in fact, and that leads to a spiral effect of mind wandering. Shan't dwell into that. It never ends.

It feels good to be in total control of time, to hang out more with the arts gang, impromptu ice cream/ shopping trips and of course, much more family time. This excessive freedom, as compared to being confined in E4 makes me confused sometimes.

I enjoy being able to doll up to school everyday(haha), attempts to study/do tutorials, the wonderful meals that I have at home, TV time with the family, long walks with Jonus and my little pink heaven. However, things never remain static. Changes take place all the time. I guess it's just inevitable. Sense of belonging and acceptance. 2 simple words with great meanings. Looking back at photos and past blog posts, I realized that my entire year 1 revolved around hall, hall mates and hall activities. So, am I facing withdrawal symptons now? Probably. But, the horrible hall food, lizards and the extreme lonliness just helps to alleviate the occasional blahs.

Change is never easy. That's probably why so many people repel changes in their lives. I think I need a new hobby to take my wandering mind of things. A new skill would be good! =)

Dear came online! It's strange how she always appear at the right time, even if she is all the way in aussie. love!

ripped this off Bee's blog:
We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find.
maybe he never existed.

Oh Well.
A brand new week!

2009-08-31T23:06:00.000+08:00

This feeling crept in from nowhere.
I wonder what it means.

Status quo is the most ideal.
Will the heart and the mind ever come to terms with each other?

I wonder.

2009-08-25T00:40:00.002+08:00

wants to travel, now!
Places with beautiful scenery and shopping would be perfect.

N O W

2009-08-23T12:36:00.000+08:00

Choked Stream

This sudden impulse to write and pen down all my thoughts is overwhelming. The vast amount of thoughts in my head just can't seem to materialize into words, to achieve the effect that I want it to be. Oh, how I regret trading in those books for fashion magazines and Archie comics. Call myself a communications and new media student, ha.

Orh Oh.

Somehow I always feel a tad more comforted after I blog, whatever it may be. No wonder this blog seems to be filled with sad entries. I'm usually not that emo, really. Or is it?

It's dangerous once someone has too much free time. Sanity doesn't seem to enjoy solitude. Ok maybe it's just me.

This blog is going to be alive once again I foresee.

2009-08-20T22:27:00.000+08:00

And so...

School's in, and in the blink of an eye I'm now a 2nd year senior.
I'm still trying to adapt to life without hall, all those travelling just gives me more time to
people watch, ponder over life's chronicles and rush thru readings. In chronological order of course.

Is there such thing as a maximum usage of friendliness and 'raraness'? If there is, I guess I used up all of them during the camps and is currently running on deficit. I see so many people in school everyday, in the deck, along the walkways, common faces here and there. But that makes me feel even more lonely, vulnerable. I tried, but it's reciprocal.
I shall just channel all energy into pulling up my CAP, this time, for real.

Maybe I just need that one/ a few special, true friends. At least I return home to a loving family everyday, to my safe little pink box, a heaven which I can truly call my own. Thankful for that.

Dreaming of leading a life in New York/UK. Make that dream come true.

2009-07-29T02:08:00.000+08:00

It's time to get out there, rara, be happy and cheer like there's no tomorrow again.

I shall put a nice closure to this whole experience.
I will do just fine and get through it right?

You, come tell me I will do a good job.

Just you.

2009-07-27T00:05:00.000+08:00

I'm currently feeling so very terrible and down but there's no one around.

I want to close up, hide and vanish.
Really do.

2009-06-26T12:58:00.003+08:00

I'll remember...

Your Neverland ranch being featured many many years ago, the then cheery and charimastic you on documentary. That was when I started.

Thriller, Beat it, Earth song, We are the world and the ultimate favourite 'You are not alone' and 'Heal the world' kept me going when times are tough. Till this day, I still turn to them for comfort and answers.

oh how can I ever forget the moonwalk which got the entire world talking, and countless failed attempts to imitate you. Youtube just accentuates your talent. In addition, you are probably the only one who can carry off those outlandish OTT blinding clothing without looking like a beng. kudos to you.

It must've been that dazzling smile of yours, before all the plastic that is. And the unique voice that only belongs to you.

It's all over now. No more law cases, no more prying eyes scrutinizing your every move and prancing at every opportunity to bring you down, no more mobs, no more flashes irritating your eyes whenever you appear in public, no more hurt. no more king of pop. It's just you, yourself, your eccentric self.

Find peace. Dance on. Love.

You'll be missed MJ, the legend.

Somehow I'm feeling a little sad and the heavy sense of loss is lingering in the air. Billions across the world are feeling the same I'm sure.

It's ironic how people start to reminisce one's greatness when the person is no longer alive, yet hurl those hurting words when he is still around. Hypocrisy.

Move on now, be the dancing angel in heaven. Please just keep those locks of yours, that everlasting smile and your black suede jacket with gold trimmings. Forget everything else, forget everyone. Ditch those aviators, you have beautiful eyes which speaks.

I just want to sit here all day and watch your videos. Have not even packed for camp. Sheesh

2009-06-26T02:27:00.003+08:00

A little secret wish

This is it.
First time leading such a huge number, the very first of many to come.
There's always a first to everything. I'm a tad apprehensive, yet excited.
The emotions have to be constantly kept in check. It doesn't help that mine fluctuates at the speed of lightning.
I'm taking this as a self-evaluation, which then again, is a better sounding word as compared to judging. I shan't be too hard on myself. After all, it's meant to be Fun. Perfection doesn't exist.

Off I go.Wish me luck. =)

It'll be a good journey with more friends and memories for keeps.

2009-06-22T23:25:00.002+08:00

Been busy, doing nothing fruitful to be exact.
This is probably the kind of life everyone wants to lead.
It gets mundane after a while though.

Lots to update, lots to think about, it's going to get emotional.

And no, it will not be done here. Hang around more you little voyeur... =)
That sounds crude, somehow.

This post is getting as random as my brain's current function.
Too much admin work and too much to handle suddenly makes me haywire.

Ok, out.

2009-06-19T01:04:00.002+08:00

Another random thought

Most people have a lover,
the lucky ones are bestowed with a lover and a soulmate rolled into one.

Get lucky.

Maybe I should tweet instead.

2009-06-18T03:12:00.002+08:00

Something to ponder over...

So you fall in love initially with him/her because of their character,
and then
as the days goes by you expect them to change just for you,
to suit your expectations.

Where is the initial affection and attraction then? The pulling factor?

Life and its wonders, sometimes.

2009-06-15T16:00:00.000+08:00

The burning desire to travel has been re-ignited again.

2009-06-11T21:10:00.001+08:00

I'm 21...

2009-06-01T01:49:00.002+08:00

Recession, what recession?

This question surfaced in my mind repeatedly while I was walking along orchard today.
The large Taka/Gucci/LV/Ferragamo/Isetan/Prada/FCUK/CK paper bags can be seen in every corner. Boost the economy people! Someone come boost my economy please?

I feel really sorry for guys. Nice,wearable guy clothes of good quality and cut are really expensive. Girls have more choices, hence we can always opt for more affordable alternatives =)
Still, that is not an excuse to fill the entire wardrobe with giordano/bossini/hang ten t-shirts of every color. Major sin.

The crazy week has started. First up, Off to pre-camp I go! rara and throw face is the word. gosh... I'm not that shameless and unglam usually, really.

Having to wake up at 6+am later is the ultimate killer.
Till then!

2009-05-30T18:34:00.005+08:00

Don't ever lose Faith. It speaks, in many ways.

EDIT

Happy early 21st birthday Jem! ( fellow geminis!) 4 great years of friendship and counting! I'm still very much amazed by how we met and how KCC was born.
You have a really close knit, spontaneous and fantastic family. And that is the greatest gift anyone can ever ask for. Of course, the bass guitar helped. =)
Thanks for the absolutely delicious dinner.

Sitting by the river and chatting with the girls brought me back to the past, yet again. No pretence, no judging, the real me surfaced. Love you girls so so much.

I held on to this faith. It didn't disappoint. =D

The crazy week is drawing near!
Shopping later! Errands to run! Hopefully I will be able to purchase what I set out to get and have in mind, and not some other random nonsense, as always. Serious business now.

stagnant, but happy

2009-05-29T00:51:00.002+08:00

Frosty Ice, Winter White.

When I was mugging my ass off during the torturous A level period in the balcony, you were studying really hard in your room too. The streets of figaro were asleep and the night was so still, it got somewhat overly quiet and depressing. However, I looked across, saw the warm amber glow from your room, the focused you and I hung on.

That was years ago.

Now I see you enjoying the sweet success, whizzing by in your Mazda 3 and recently the soft top Renault Megane. I realized that we have the same taste in cars.

A double degree in Chem engine and bio/biomedical? A job in Shell Petroleum? No wonder your parents beam in such great pride whenever they mention you and your elder sis.

And of course, quite a looker too.

I might just fall in love with this boy next door. (ok not quite. Diagonally, one door down to be specific. Hui Yi is the one with the boy next door. Literally.) I want to shoot your gf from my window.

Now I sound like an infatuated teenage girl, murderous to be exact. The effects of violence in the new media, mainly video games.

My pink room will be all ready to accomodate guests soon. =)

I stumbled across a white box amongst the heaps of mess and junk in the brother's room today.
Daddy and him refused to tell me what's in it. Curiosity and suspense kills me. It takes a lot to surprise me. Reason for my over raging inquisitiveness? The box has the word 'Chanel' printed on it. I'm extremely sensitive to that word. It's almost on par with 'lizards'.

The offer seems so attractive, so well packaged, so flawless. But, finance planning probably ain't my thing. I cherish my family and friends. I never want to lose them cos of some stupid insurance, although rewards are tempting. Recognition is enough, for now.

Footnote: Soft tops, Audi R8, Lambos, Ferraris and cute guys are great hazards to my substandard driving/parking. Danger zone. beware.

It's Judgement day later at 9am. I hope that I will be able to enter Club21 and start this 2 months crazy GSS spree with a happy heart, together with light hearted footsteps, without any worries nor guilt.

My holidays are just starting.
Grant me a wonderful one.
Just this.

2009-05-27T22:55:00.001+08:00

The very first 21st gift. =)

Something appletizing yet confusing arrived today.
Daddy's girl.

A new toy to play with, from scratch. Time to send me your contact details people!

2009-05-27T02:17:00.004+08:00

A new beginning

As I clear the somewhat 700+ smses and 100+ photos that have accumulated in this 7mnth old LG Secret, waves of emotions come crashing in.

Of course, one might say that I'm being overly emotional and senisitive for getting attached to an IT. It's not the medium nor channel. It's the message that every single photo conveys and the love in every single sms which matters most. Not all positive though, of which some I choose to forget and never look back.

I deleted everything. The phone is now an empty shell. And now I move on to embark oncanother episode. Hopefully good things will come my way. =)

Goodbye. I will miss those days where you accompanied me unconditionally, those little fishing trips, lucky number 8 games, maze, throw ball, soduku, wake up calls and your awesome camera.
Hopefully the next camera will be as good.

Lovefool.

All the plannings for recent events have made me more vulnerable recently. handle with care.

Next week.

2009-05-24T23:53:00.003+08:00

when you think of happiness, I hope you think of me...

I've been asking friends to blog about happy stuff so as to spread the joy and love to all readers, but lately, I realize that this blog is slowly evolving into one which is filled with painful entries. Does this explain my mood lately? Probably. I just hope that Cherlyn's personality and character stays with her.

Reminiscing the good old days where one is never seen without the other, daily conversations about anything and everything are a must, and just doing things together seem so distant now. Did it ever happen, or was it all just a dream? I must've been in a long deep sleep. Long enough to feel every single tinge of joy, hear the laughters that fill the air, and feel the wrenching of the heart at times, just like now.

I am but only human.

As much as a 'winner' I want to be, I have to admit that, I miss your presence, your company, just you. I miss you.

Do you feel the same?

When a vase cracks, the crack line will always be there, no matter how fine it is, no matter how much effort one puts in to mend it. A perfect example which supports ' what's done cannot be undone.'

No. I wasn't dumped, neither did my non-existent boyfriend turned bastard. As much as it sounds like it. I'm so afraid and so skeptical now, relationships? Thanks but no thanks.

Disclaimer: The above are just my thoughts and feelings at the moment. I'm not trying to force my beliefs or thoughts on anyone nor gain sympathy.

For now, I shall put on the other facade.
Somehow, the more hahas,lol and =) I type, the more painful it becomes.

I guess I really need time alone, to travel and ponder over matters. But there's a million things to plan now. Tied.

To the you who always understands and have been standing by me, ringraziarla
The only thing I can do is to reciprocate with eternal friendship, as much as I believe that nothing last forever, I will, for you. Because, you did. You know who you are.

Let's all try speaking the language of love. now.

2009-05-19T02:58:00.003+08:00

Never thought that I would have to resort to this.
Well, it's to prevent further misunderstanding or hurt and at the same time I need to have my own private ( ok maybe not quite) space to rant and let it all out.

It's been a crazy day with discrepancies, emotional turmoil, the brother's surprise armani exchange 21st present which turned dramatic, the iphone/blackberry confirmation and the F1 VIP invite at the pit.

Too much for me to handle in one day. too much.

For now,I need time to sort it all out.

2009-05-17T20:54:00.003+08:00

Where's humanity?

I witnessed a saddening sight on my way home from work today.

An old man was vomiting and coughing loudly on the bus.

Everyone else either shun him or was oblivious to his plight, some even used their hanky/tissue to cover their noses, in addition to throwing dirty looks at him.

I offered him tissue, he gave his thanks. Although the smell of stale beer and food filled the air, I couldn't help but feel sorry for this old uncle. The bus was jerky and very unstable. He was too sick to even pull a piece of tissue out. He merely used it as it was given to him.

I alighted at the next stop, walked 4 stops down and boarded another bus.

While I was walking, I pondered. I was ashamed at myself for contemplating awhile before lending the old uncle a helping hand. I was ashamed at myself for not offering him more help. I was ashamed at myself for not alerting the bus uncle for I was afraid at how others would see me. But most of all, at the point in time, I was ashamed of being a Singaporean. I hated the look of disgust or just pure nonchalance on the commuters' face. I couldn't bear it any longer, and so I left. Was it a form of escapism? Maybe.

Where is the kindness in mankind? Why have I not been seeing it?

Treat people how you want to be treated.

Black Eye Peas' 'Where is the Love?'
People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father Father Father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?

It just ain't the same all ways have changed
New days are strange is the world the insane?
If love and peace so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations dropping bombs
Chemical gases filling lungs of little ones
With ongoing suffering
As the youth die young
So ask yourself is the loving really strong?
So I can ask myself really what is going wrong
With this world that we living in
People keep on giving in
Makin wrong decisions
Only visions of them livin and
Not respecting each other
Deny thy brother
The wars' going on but the reasons' undercover
The truth is kept secret
Swept under the rugIf you never know truth
Then you never know love
Where's the love y'all?(I don't know)
Where's the truth y'all?(I don't know)
Where's the love y'all?

People killing people dying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father father father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the love?(where is the lovex3)(the lovex2)

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm getting older y'all people get colder
Most of us only care about money makin
Selfishness got us followin the wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting their young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what the see in the cinema
Whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness and equality
Instead of spreading love, we're spreading anomosity
Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling down
It's no wonder why sometimes I'm feeling under
I gotta keep my faith alive, until love is found

Fame, fortune, status, glory.
Merely...

Today is a bad day.
Looking forward to a better tomorrow.

2009-05-17T14:38:00.001+08:00

When important people make you feel unimportant

Currently feeling very down, very lousy.
The greater the hope and expectations, the harder the fall.

2009-05-15T21:47:00.002+08:00

Added pointer on my holiday's to-do list, Left 4 Dead! Lan anybody? =)
Might just pick up Dota too!

Shopping is indeed therapy. The receipts and bill that comes at the end of the month is not.
Shall go look for money.

I still want to travel though...

2009-05-13T01:20:00.003+08:00

Jetset

With friends around me flying everywhere, naturally I'm highly tempted to head off somewhere as well.
It's been only a week of the holidays but I've had enough of all the eat outs already, everyday in fact. ( though the company is always the one that matters) I want to shop, to travel and to experience different cultures.

Korea vs Work vs Internship vs Touring with kcc/halliEs vs Continue the tai tai lifestyle vs Camps & DnD.
Can't I just do everything? Life and its choices! Mind boggling indeed.

Maybe I should just remain a good girl, stay in Singapore, work my ass off, save enough and prolly head over to charming Europe when the girls are doing exchange there next year. Amsterdam and Paris! Afterwhich I will pop by Manchester to look for aunt and tour UK as well! The perfect Dream Vacation! But, it will clash with internship which I'll be so keen on in year 2.
give me money...

Crap.

Shopping later! =)))

2009-05-11T00:04:00.008+08:00

Charmed...

I can't seem to get anything at flea markets.

They are either not my style, smelly and musky, or still way too overpriced ( bye to flora sundress and that gorgeous Marc Jacobs cosmetic pouch)

Can't be bothered digging the piles and rummaging through the racks. Too old for jostling. Crowds turn me off now, totally.

Candies galore though. It's nice to immerse myself in the vibrant artsy fartsy culture in Singapore. Great music and distinguished sense of style. Like! Want! But, Wayne should avoid that. Getting too much attention and special treatment from the gyas makes me worried, and jealous. Double edged sword indeed.

Shall wait patiently for GSS! Wing Tai here I come! =)

More meet ups with friends await!

At this rate, how on earth am I to intern? The dynamic advertising firm which doesn't pay well, but hopefully allows me to learn.

Work or enjoyment?

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

I'm extremely fickle but I have decided that I need a personalized planner on-the-go to sort out my disoriented lifestyle so that I will never ever miss deadlines (again), the million 21st birthday parties that I'm invited to, meet ups with friends, events, work meetings and just to-do lists.

And the above reasons are sufficient enough to substantiate my stance in getting an iphone or blackberry. Having both would be nice. *whines daddddiiiieeeeee.

The first step towards abolishing the Procrastinator tagline in my Cherlyn Chanel Procrastinator Queen Phua.

The farmer and the belle. ha.

I totally need money and photoshop to walk me thru this 3 months. Lots of money to be exact.

2009-05-10T01:44:00.003+08:00

It's just day 3 into the hols and I'm feeling the fatigue.

All the packing, shifting out of hall, adapting to life back home again, never ending 21st birthday parties and just hanging out with friends have taken a toll on my poor skin and health.

I shall rejuvenate and attempt to tune back my screwed body clock.

For now, 15 bags and 2 luggages filled to the brim are staring at me. Then I shall decide if I want to work, since majority of kcc girls are either working, interning or somewhere across the globe.

Today I flared up again. The feeling wasn't good at all. I'm dead sure the other party felt it too. It's just so hard to keep emotions and anger in check sometimes, especially in front of close people who matters the most. But that's precisely why I must control my temper and emotions, cos they matter the most. =(

I'm definitely missing hall, but I'm surprised that I'm currently adpating and coping pretty ok at home. Oh well, we'll see.

What shall I do for mummy?

tired

2009-05-09T01:04:00.005+08:00

Maybe it really wasn't all that it seems to be. Maybe it wasn't meant to be.
Maybe, just maybe, I'm really done for good.
Will give more consideration and thoughts into it in due time.

Nevertheless, thanks for leaving a legacy in my life. I appreciate and treasure it much.
I was happy, I had my fair share of fun. It's probably a sign to show that it's enough.

It's time to move on. Just me, myself and I.
Let it all go. Let it be. There's no point holding on.

I shall spend time understanding myself in depth, to be a better me. The route to self actualization is a solitary one.

In times like this, I need to shop. To be alone.

The tears are welling up, but they aren't allowed to fall.

Maybe I didn't love as much as I thought I did.

2009-05-08T01:47:00.004+08:00

Two of my all-time favorite singer/songwriters are Gemini. My sister has Gemini twin daughters. One of my son’s best friends is a Gemini. I have known a few others through friends of friends and such too. There is one common thread woven between all of them that I have never seen discussed in the books that define the different zodiac signs. All of the Gemini people I have ever known are hungry. Yes, they are verbally skilled and often love music, but there is an underlying hunger in each of them. It is as if they are searching for something, some missing piece of their life. Perhaps it is that endless search for some unattainable element that makes them who they are. How do you help your Gemini child find peace within himself at an early age?

From the cradle, Gemini children are curious and begin their quest for knowledge. Everything fascinates them. They want to dabble in a bit of this and a bit of that. Geminis seldom grow up to be boring uneducated couch potatoes. The worst thing you could do to a Gemini child is to raise them in an environment that gives them no freedom to explore and to learn. Give them lots of books to read, take them outdoors to study nature, teach them how to play a musical instrument, encourage them to absorb all of the life lessons they possibly can. Gemini children are sponges soaking up bits and pieces of information everywhere they go. Make it a game, “how many new things did you learn today?” Feed their minds and you feed their souls.

They are also very social people. Gemini children will talk your ear off with stories of make-believe and questions about why the sky is blue and how come we cannot flap our arms and fly like the birds. They realize at a very young age that words have the power to teach. They learn to communicate so that they can share ideas, information, and to share their quest for knowledge. You will have to teach your Gemini child that there is a time and a place for everything. A time to discuss ideas and a time to sit quiet and listen. They will need to learn that not everyone has their quick minds and that some people cannot handle the rapid-fire conversations like they can. It is easy for the Gemini child to begin to feel superior to others because of their vast knowledge and their quick minds. Rather then get upset with others for not being able to verbally keep up, they need to be taught how to communicate with the slower more methodical thinkers. There is a wealth of information within those deeper minds and it is worth the Gemini’s time and effort to learn to patiently await the message.

When you get to know them, Geminis seem to have a fragile spot that they try to cover up with laughter and pleasant chitchat. Most Geminis do not believe that they are loved unconditionally. That may be a result of their intellect. They may have concluded as children that love really is not unconditional. You have to behave properly, think properly, dress properly, socialize properly, and express yourself properly in order to be loved. Therefore, if unconditional love does not actually exist in their eyes, and as human beings they are naturally flawed, then they themselves must not be worthy of the unobtainable unconditional love. They often hate the rules of society because deep down it is the rules that makes it impossible to ever be deemed perfect and therefore good enough to earn unconditional love. The most valuable thing you could ever give to your Gemini child is the unquestionable proof that you do love them unconditionally. Make a conscious effort to prove to them that it not only exists, but that they are forever worthy of receiving it simply because they are living breathing souls. Nothing more is required of them. Yes, society has rules and preferences of conduct for logical reasons, but that has nothing to do with love. Once they understand that you really do love them even if they are complete jerks, then you will have a better chance at getting them to logically embrace the rules of personal conduct that we all must learn.

Once Geminis know that they are really truly loved just for being themselves, they seem to undergo a butterfly’s metamorphosis. Unconditional love gives them wings. They become free to share their light, their knowledge, their stories, their music, and their love with the rest of us. Geminis can grow up to become some of the most amazing teachers, songwriters, public speakers, vocalists, and creative writers. With the freedom to be themselves, they are able to share their gifts with the rest of us.

http://www.tomorrowsedge.net/gemini-child.html

I would love to sit down with Skye Thomas in a cosy cafe over fruit juice or frozen strawberry magarita and just talk about life. =)

2009-05-06T15:51:00.001+08:00

Done done done!

Hello long awaited hols.
You sure smell,look,taste sweet!

This sudden sense of liberation is indeed overwhelming. Though I've been chilling around since last Wed, but heck, this is official!

I need to shout out loud now. Someone come share my joy quick!

Time to partaaayyyyyy!

2009-05-06T00:52:00.000+08:00

Wednesday
6th May 2009
3 p.m.

2009-05-04T23:43:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, little unexpected surprises can really make one's day!
It doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive.
In fact, it can even cost close to nothing, just strings of words attached.

Eventually, knowing that someone out there is keeping you in their thoughts is a great feeling to have, in addition to having dinner and spending time at home. Though it can get A Bit chaotic when everyone wants to express their fair share of oh-so-important views, at the same time.

Since it can make me so happy, I'm sure it will make my loved ones happy too.

So, don't be shocked if Cherlyn calls, text or wants to meet up with you for no apparent reason next time! cos, it just means that you're loved! =)

Double Fs- Family and Friends.

Then again, do I really? Or is it just a facade? An easier way to face issues? Escape route? It's time to live for myself and not give others so much of myself till I gradually lose me without even realizing, unless of course, people actually reciprocate.

Sometimes I really hate being a gemini. haha.

2009-05-04T00:53:00.002+08:00

Are these signs of the start of the end?
Is it true?
Can't it stand the test of time?
Was there even any heartfelt basis in this in the first place?

Why?

Cos I gave.

2009-05-02T00:35:00.009+08:00

Always wanting the best of both worlds...

Hall makes me miss home and home makes me miss hall and the people living there. I want to teleport.

When I'm in hall, friends constantly surround me. Occasional shrieks or screams from the girls (no thanks to lizards- the bane to a few of our existence) will send us into a frenzy, often ending with hysterical laughters, piercing the peaceful silence in 10 Kent Ridge Drive for awhile.

Other than that, there is a constant influx of movies to watch, all thanks to a gracious soul.

Sleeping at 6 or 7 am in hall is no biggie. Even when the birds wake up and start chirping, the vessels in the pasir panjang shipyard starts honking and the sun's rays pierce right through the blinds and hit our faces, we sleep on. For me at least. There are friends who will play games with you, chat with you, watch movies and drag you to eat at the most insane hour, basically, just hanging around together and doing nothing productive in particular.

However at home, all activities end by 11pm. That is a good 5-6h before my usual bedtime. Just so perfect. (sarcasm intended) Refusing to study for the last paper which falls on Wed, thinking that I still have alot of time on my hands ( Cherlyn procrastinator Queen Phua ), I now have a lot of me time. Hence that leads me to think and plan, about the big day. No, I'm not getting married, neither am I graduating.

I'm usual easy going ( better choice of word as compared to can't be bothered ), unless it's for issues which matter much to me, for example, fun. I tend to transform into a perfectionist when planning events and styling up the party venue. Ambience, theme and the overall aesthetic appeal mean the world to me. Everything has to be perfect and up to my expectations. But, things can't always go my way.

In my perfect 2-1 party, all my friends and family, including myself, will look as if we have just stepped out of Gossip Girl. Polished, poised and stylish from head to toe. Every single one of us, Jonus and grandma included. It will be a garden themed cocktail party, under a huge white textured gazebo, surrounded by fresh blooms of all colours and varieties, circling around a victorian inspired fountain, with the overall aesthetics taken care of by jessica claire and my all time favourite, tricia guild. The party will start with early dinner and last through the night with everyone loosening up and grooving to the music. That's my kinda party.

However, in Singapore, the hot, humid weather dampens everyone's mood instantly, mine especially. Garden party is equivalent to suana, sweating like pigs and buffet spread for the mosquitos. There isn't any particular fantastic garden to start with, something which tops my list for a garden party. Note: garden. Even if there is, the exorbitant rental charges is the joke of the century. Due to the weather no less, Singaporeans are usually decked in singlets, shorts and flip flops, all year round. Give me 4 seaons anytime! ( after I have gotten the wardrobe ready that is. ) Worse of all, Jessica Claire and Tricia Guild can only be found in the other part of the world.

And that ends my dream party. Nope, end is a wrong choice of word, since it never did start in the first place.

If only...

I realize that I have been blogging everyday. My life is getting so boring that I have ample time to log on to this little domain and channel hidden desires and fantasies into written form just to satisfy. Time to seek for some real fun after 6th May! =)

p.s. I still dream a garden party. not birthday? wedding it shall be

p.p.s. I hope this is just temporal and that it doesn't actually mean anything. Having some time away would be good.Won't happen. ( unrelated to the above)

2009-04-30T03:22:00.005+08:00

Taken's food for thought...

Never ever underestimate a father's love for his daughter. It can be so deep, so strong. He will do everything he can to save her, even when he is facing death.

People who engage in illegal businesses such as drugs, women, human trafficking and prostitution should be tortured tremendously and continuously, and then left to die a painful death. Afterwhich, they will be banished to hell to suffer forever. They should never be forgiven, never be given a second chance, ever. Depending on the seriousness, impact and amount of lives affected. I'm angry, but still trying very hard to retain my logical sense of analysis.

The number of lives lost, the many hopes that are dashed unhesitantly, the constant mental suicide which is worse than death, the mockery, and the vicious cycle of demand bringing about supply.

All just for money.

The world should come to know and understand the sentence 'Money Is the Root of All Evil.' Give some thoughts to the true meaning behind it. I'm guilty of this sin, and yes I'm still learning.

In the media industry, sex sells. Everyone is a voyeur. Europe is seen as paradise, the only place to set foot in this entire world. It seems that all glitz, glamour, romance and wildest fantasies are encapsulated here.

To be able to produce a movie based on women trafficking in Europe is not just about the above mentioned. For every cause there's a reason, for every work produced, especially on a scale like this requires basis, research, truth. Of course this is assessed based on a case by case basis. I'm not referring to your Spiderman, X-men, Batman (or whatever men of sorts), Twilight, Transformers and even my all time favourite, Harry Potter.

I'm a daughter, a sister, a grandaughter, a cousin, a friend... Almost every other women out there share these same wonderful fulfilling roles. To take that away overnight, smash all dreams and hopes into smithereens in an instant is pure pain. No soul will ever be able to withstand all that. Therefore, all men that treat women as commodities, sex slaves/ toys and sexual escapades must be executed. Pay them back a hundred times worse than the fate that they land the women in. Make them suffer.

What goes around comes around. Karma it will be.

Pardon me for all the angst, globalization and education has brought out the feminism in me. Alot of it in fact.

On a lighter note,

never take your family for granted, especially your parents. Love is a big word, four simple letters which can mean so much, transcend every single style or fashion in history and still take a lifetime to reveal. Hence, love your parents.

Try to be nice to all around you. It takes alittle more effort, but if everyone makes that little effort to be nicer to all those surrounding you, it will contribute to alot. The world will then truly be a happier and better place to be in. There won't be a need for Walt Disney shows, cos it will be reality. Deep down, I'm sure every single person in this world yearn for this very day, make it happen.

As much as I hate to admit, I am fully aware that this world is full of evil lurking in every dark corner. Circumstances and situations mould us into who we are. There's an angel and a devil in all of us, let the good prevail.

I'm bought over. I foresee myself evolving into a movie buff in the near future. The extremist sets in. Gone were the days whereby malls are just meant for shopping and trips to the cinema were only for popcorn or harry potter.

Being sucked into the plot for that mere 1.5-2h, experience the lives of the characters and to see the world thru their eyes is indeed amazing. Magical in fact. Of course I know in actual fact, the director or script writer is framing the audience to see what they want us to see, influence our way of thinking and telling us what to think about. However, if the plot is fantastic and if it complements our individual set of values and beliefs, why not?

So, I'm now open to movie dates! After 21 good years. As long as it's not some fighting show with men flying around in mid air and having sharp claws as hands or the supernatural, I'm fine with it. Still trying to change the mindset regarding horror flicks though. Give time. Chick flicks and brainless romance with comedy is still my base after all, the starting point. Can safely say that I'm moving away from that as I mature and start to think more. It's time.

Things change, people change.

One of the best movies of all time.

Happiness is a healthy mental attitude, a grateful spirit, a clear conscience and a heart full of love, embark on your route towards it today.

2009-04-28T22:33:00.001+08:00

And so,
I suddenly have alot of time on my hands now till the last paper next Wed.
It was mental torture yesterday and *poof today it's the complete opposite!

I don't really know what to do now.haha

It's always like that huh.

Time to plan for post exam activities!!!

2009-04-28T01:49:00.001+08:00

mental suicide
please, Cherlyn, never again.

2009-04-26T14:23:00.003+08:00

The hellish weekend away from home...

And so, it's the horrendous exam period again. Apart from having 3 theory papers in 2 days, panicking like crazy and staring into space at 3.30 am after seeing the words in the textbook wriggle and dance, it doesn't help to realize that my first paper, which I studied the most for, didn't go exactly well. It doesn't feel good. But I know I only have myself to blame. And the weather is damn freaking bloody insanely hot and humid, and people who understand me well will know that I melt when it gets overly hot.

The body of course, wants its fair share of attention as well, with terrible outbreaks the size of 20 cent coins all over the face, ulcers and frequent bad hair days. Friend went ' Cherlyn what happen to you? Your eyebags!' At that moment in time I wanted to end my life. Trust me.

I heard somewhere that in order to obtain the optimum when studying, it is really important to study with a happy heart and cheerful mood. Therefore, in an attempt to actually get some Soci, PR and Animal Behaviour facts in, I shall count my blessings.

While I was studying in the library, feeling rather gloomy, unloved and musty like some books I see lying there in the dark, unwanted corner, an sms and a phone call came. 'Ju, you can get any phone you want for your 21st. You go see which one you want then you tell me ok. Iphone also can. Make sure you eat and sleep well ok. All the best, study hard.'

The next day, another call came and this time, the familiar comforting chirpy voice reenacted to me the melodramatic saga that happened at home. Imagine rubbish throwing competition and hearing your grandma quarrel with a mentally disabled neighbour in the wee hours of the morning, where the silence can sometimes be defeaning. You get the gist. Both bro and granny were fighting for the phone, wanting to narrate to me the full details of the drama.

My family is more happening than me. Will never trade them for anything else in the world.

edit: while i'm typing this, it decided to rain and Mr Wind returned. I'm reminded of the 'typhoon' night when E4 darling girls got so excited cos of the constant surge of strong wind. Cheap thrills yes. I still don't dig thunder and lightning though. I hope my baby boy is fine at home. He hates thunder too, just like Marley. Yes, cried buckets over it, got laughed at.

Friends around me contributed a great deal too. MS dear, is of course, without a doubt, always there to listen and share, with occasional drizzles of giggles and laughs in hand. The Kcc gang, what more do I have to say? =) I really wished I was there at Joel's mighty 21st though.

My lao puo, HJ, who showers me with constant smses and calls even when she is in the comfort of her own home with very sore gums and is in pain, just to make sure that I'm doing ok in hall. The best gift from Nus thus far. Thanks girl. =)

Raynor, the one who will always be there to provide a listening ear ( then again, it's pretty obvious when he is distracted and doing something else and thus not listening) and to offer advice. Of course, the reassuring presence always helps, cos then I can ramble about almost anything and everything. But of course, I listen too. A definite special friend for keeps. =)

My first few friends in NUS, the arts people. JD,Muths,Bimbotric,Cheryl,YY,WT,YK,Bryant, etc... It just feels so right seeing them around in school. =)

My favourite hallies, WH who pops in to check on me once in awhile, bitchymark, himbojavin, E1 and E3 uncles, the few here and there and of course my E4 girls. =)

It feels so delightful to know that your friends are willing to be your very own personalized DJ, bartender and photographer for the big 2-1, free of charge. Of course, the FOC thing is a bonus, I definitely can't accept that. But just the thought of wanting to be there to celebrate and stand by you is a gift in itself. =)

Ok, somehow this has evolved into a tribute. It's ok to let people know that you love and appreciate them. Of course, it has to be from the botton of your heart. Frivolous words don't count. Since I'm feeling so blessed and happy now, it's time to hit the books again!

2009-04-23T17:00:00.002+08:00

I am highly tempted to book a ticket now and jet off to the states, during the holidays of course.
It doesn't help that friends are studying, interning, holidaying and shopping there.
To add to that, other friends are going off for SEP, summer school, holidays and such.

I hate the exams.
The intense pressure and anxiety is needed to get me going, and since im Cherlyn Procrastinator Queen Phua, it hasn't set in yet. damnit. Can it be knocked or flushed out of me?

There's a whole list of 'to-dos' after the exams and they seem to distract me even more during this period, coming in second after bejeweled.

That aside, webcaming with the girl yesterday was way awesome. She set me laughing for the longest time ever. Our little secret. =) MS, better be nicer to me now, I've got the upperhand.
Darn, now I feel like flying down under. I want to be everywhere but here.

I know you're my saving grace. But, where are you?

2009-04-17T15:33:00.003+08:00

The route to independence and a better more likable me...

Just when I thought I'll be bumming around for the 3 months,
along came DnD, Arts pre-camp, Arts camp and probably THOC councillor

&

that's excluding work, travel and birthday plans

It'll be a blast I hope, if everything goes well and turn out alright

Cherlyn shall attempt to be less nice and not let her life revovle around others. Only Family, Myself and Friends who matters and mean the most deserve it. Point taken

It's up to me to drop, not you. When the extremist sets herself in action, it'll shock. She's still very much intrigued and finding out about herself after 21 years

That's why nice-ities is chosen over the harsh realities of life. Believing in fantasies and happy endings? There's a reason behind all those sweetie

Treat people how you want to be treated. I live by that. Life is beautiful, life is still full of hope and surprises. Dogs and Children don't disappoint.

I have self-conflicting issues, big time. It seems like there's 2 Cherlyns within this 1 Cherlyn. Maybe I'm a schizophrenic cracko.

totally in love with Lenka's 'The Show', go listen to it, it relates.

2009-04-15T23:57:00.001+08:00

to pack up and go
me,myself and I...

2009-04-15T00:37:00.008+08:00

The goodbye?

I'm getting so used to having you people around me all the time and enjoying all your company so much that life without you all will indeed be very different.

I wonder what will it be like? I don't think I want to know.

That aside, totally adore spring summer fashion, esp zara's collection. love love love! Own it I shall!

Need to shop now!

And again, I need the motivation and determination to study for THE FINALS.

Peaceful Separation

deviantart

It's time to be more aware to issues involving me and not hurt anyone unknowingly. 2.5 years is a long time, and I just came to realize it NOW, after my dear girl analyzed the situation with me. someone smack me. I'm really sorry if I hurt you in any way, didn't mean to, didn't even know that I did. If the context is right in the first place that is. fits in though. Shall start watching my language and actions in case I hurt anyone again. ugghh

Why are some matters so complicated? Doesn't the beauty lies in the simplicity, purity and innocence in this blossom? The complexity of human life at it's best indeed. I don't want and can't handle it. Things should just be black or white for this kinda involvement.

That's probably one of the reasons why I love children so much. I miss those days when little ones go yes means yes, no means no. No grey areas, nothing in between, nothing left hanging, no one left in the lurch.

2009-04-12T16:05:00.003+08:00

The simple word, a wondrous tune

happy [hap-ee]
1) delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing.
2) characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy: a happy mood; a happy frame of mind.
3) favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky

Over the past few days, people around me have been using the word happy to describe their feelings. Friends casually mentioned 'I'm happy.' It might appear to be just a passing statement to others, but for me, at that moment, I felt happy for them too.
Never did I feel like this before, and this, to me is such a wonderful feeling for all loved ones, I hope it lingers. Just observing the pure joy on their faces, no pretense or just hearing them tell it to me so sincerely and truthfully is indeed a gift within itself, a heartening situation to be in.

and now, I proudly say, I'm happy, really am. I hope you are too =)

I'm happy because:

Good Friday was well spent
1) attended a meaningful service and got to understand myself better, and life in general. Shall embark on the journey away from being a judgmental and hypocritical person.

2) Witnessed the baptism of 2 very important people in my life and realized how significant it is to them and to everyone in white on that day. It's their new beginning to everlasting happiness, peace and joy.

3) Went for a good seafood dinner with the people at east coast beach, one of my favourite places of all time. duh, I grew up there, it holds so much memories.

4) Packed 7 people into the small salon car and headed to Geylang for durians. Was freaking out the whole way cos having the lives of 7 rising stars in my hands is definitely not chill pill. Society can definitely do with the mechanical and chemical engineers, computer specialists, architect and PR practitioners thrown in my backseat. Just alittle too noisy though. ha

5) Got cheated(?) in our faces for the very first time. Experience learnt, kinda funny

6) Was coaxed into taking a spin around the area, and somehow everyone got excited, for various reasons I believe. The car got steamy, more squeezy and breathing was made a chore. It felt like a field trip driving thru and open zoo, with notorious and hyperactive kids pointing in all directions and exclaiming at the top of their voices, in an enclosed space mind you. I had to lock the door to prevent the kids from running out or the animals from abducting them from outside. The only difference? Our age add up to a nice 156 years old. Go figure!

7) Ended the night by dropping people off at Sembawang,Choa Chu Kang, Temasek Hall, Bedok and finally dropped myself home after taking the wrong turn and ending up at Jurong, Toa Payoh, Stevens Road and SAJC. Phew. Thank goodness everyone got back safely =) glad that there's friends with licenses too, good driver to add.

House visits are so much fun! It just enables us to understand each other better by allowing close ones into our very private lives. Sleepover at my place soon? With the grandma's cooking, yum yum...

Caught Shopaholic with the weirdest group of people ever, (3 mars and a venus who can't finish a fishnco seafood platter for 2- loser right) i'm sure we all came out with strained necks, feeling dumb and that we have not learnt anything from the movie. Even I felt that, and I admit there's similarity between Rebecca Bloomwood and me. sheesh. Shall give more thoughts into wanting to watch every chick flick from now on.

Will definitely miss the late nights htht sessions ( record, 6.30am), endless suppers, games, shouting and just hanging out together and enjoying each others' company anytime, everytime. From 2 homes back to 1? Thats enough for the next entry, maybe the next few entries. I love my friends, so very much.

It's really nice to feel that everyone is putting in an extra effort to make good things last, cos deep down we all know that things will never remain status quo. Why do all good things come to an end?

Having the series of events listed in a capsule form will definitely help when I read past entries and try to recall the bizarre yet memorable happenings that have occured. =)

Its the exam period yet again... yikes!
I seem to blog alot more during exams, an outlet maybe?

pictures all on fb! =)

2009-04-10T13:38:00.001+08:00

still in search for the someone that listens unconditionally.
you don't seem to be the one.

2009-04-10T01:06:00.007+08:00

To smile again...

It has been a pretty eventful week, with more project meetings, presentations and reports to submit. Pardon me for repeating the above for the millionth time, my life seems to revolve around that these days. not fun. at all.

Just awhile ago, the result of being a habitual procrastinator hit me mercilessly. I thread on deadlines, seek occasional thrill from them. The looming possiblilty of downfall and dejection seems to be the only force which coerce me into devoting full attention into my studies, something which is undoubtedly, the most salient affair concerning a student, almost like the importance of oxygen to every living thing.
Exaggerating?
Maybe not, especially so in a rat race insanely competitive country like the one that yours truly is in, right here, right now. There seems to be no escape. But then again, escape is a sign of weakness, inability, incapability, something which I know I'm not, and never want to resort to be.

I hate to disappoint, but yet I do.
Procrastination seems to be the perpetual devil within me, hindering me from achieving and soaring to greater heights. It's always easier to put the blame on someone else, it eases tension and the feeling of guilt. I'm better, I put it on procrastination, something intangible, almost non-existent. Sort out your priorities now girl.

I apologize if this entry sounds utterly incoherent. It just serves as a platform for me to pen my thoughts and self reflect all at once. Multi-tasking is the word. Perhaps its time to relocate or lock up this space far away from prying judgemental individuals. I hate to be peeled open and being read, and I hate to show my weakness in front of the not-so-close. This blog just does all of the above. Unless, of course, you're the one that I adore and treasue, the one that I approve of.

'Why is it so hard for you to say no?' Easy as it may seem for some, the two letters serve as a great challenge to me. Something which can wrack me completely into nothingness. Saying NO at that moment is a child's play, dealing with the aftermath is tough. Having to face others' disappointed and tired faces, having to feel that you've thrashed their hopes on you, having to feel that it's a lost opportunity and the whole whirlwind of mixed emotional turmoil which follows can completely engulf one. I give considerable amount of thoughts into issues involving me, and sometimes things tend to complicate as a result. Some things never change do they?

I need to stop blogging at this point in time because I'm starting to hate myself as the flaws seem to be pouring endlessly in this public domain now, something so evident, so right-in-my-face. It feels like I'm drowning in the molten, fluid lava from the volcano which is ironically as it may sound, the birth child from within.

I now understand why people tend to over gratify their positive and strong traits while down playing or even banishing their weaker traits somewhere down under, where even the slightest ray of light can never penetrate through.

It is important to enjoy and of course rejoice in the greatness in oneself. However, it is even more crucial to be in touch with the other side once in awhile and attempt one's best to improve on it.

This personal blog might just be the only listener, my truly confidante, for four years and counting. It doesn't judge, it doesn't show me hurtful expressions which I never fail to capture and then decipher, it never rebutts. It allows me to say all I want, anything I want, anytime I want. It is virtual, it is non-existent, in this real world.

I need someone completely like me to hear me,understand me by the second and handle me the way I want to be handled and consoled, without me asking or explaining anything at all.

Is that too much to ask? Too self-centered it appears to be?

Will you be that special someone, that guardian angel who loves? The one who will always be there in times of need? The one who will stand by me, hold my hand and walk according to my pace? The one who reads me best and react duly and instantly to my roller coaster emotions? In short, putting me above everyone else, without me mentioning anything at all. ( somehow this sounds like a marriage oath. haha. Maybe I should alter the traditional and insert this whole para when my time comes- if it ever)

Does this person even exist?
boys and girls welcomed.

Have you ever clicked to open your messenger, see so many people online and yet feel that there is no one that you can really talk to? A false facet it seems? I feel it.

That probably explains why I will be single for the longest time to come, cos in my context, The One either fulfills all of the above, or nothing it will be- at all.

It's the smallest gestures, littlest thoughts which matters. When I say 'its so sweet that you keep me in your thoughts', I really mean and feel for it.

When the right one appears, when the time comes, when I feel that it is, you will then see how I reciprocate and give my all. I am that sure.

I am just that extreme. That I know.

ok i'm so not me i need to sleep to wake up to a brand new better tomorrow and feel less vulnerable.
Before that I might just count the number of 'I' first. Any guessers?

2009-04-05T18:42:00.003+08:00

nothing has changed, it still feels like yesterday...

The best girl called all the way from down under upon receiving just one sms from me, in a record time of 2 minutes. (i usually take around 2 days and I can never remember nor recognize the long string of aussie numbers)

An hour on the phone, followed by msn and I still feel like I have so much to share with her, or just to hear the voice of reassurance, which never fails to calm me down or get me hyped out, depending on situation

Do I still need to explain why she's MY best girl? =)

To the one who always listens, understands, accepts and embraces me for me.
I'll do the same for you always. promise.

This is for you.

Till I see you again

Love,
Cherlyn

2009-04-03T00:58:00.004+08:00

Issues issues...

I'm glad that the hellish week is coming to an end.
It's as if I havent had a good proper night's sleep ever since I came back to hall from home. I guess the close proximity to school and having friends around you contributed a great deal to that. That is, however, the top 2 reasons why I'm still torn between staying or not staying next academic year.

This week has been nothing short of presentations and more presentations. To achieve a total state of peace, keep track of your breathing and heart beat and present with utmost confidence and poise in front of an audience is no easy feat. A great public speaking skill to have. I'm still learning.

Disappointed with myself for not giving my best shot in certain group projects and thus hindering the entire group's development. I'm sincerely apologetic for it but sorry aint the easiest word to say. Shall start buking up and prove my worth.Time management and discipline is something I really ought to develop.

It finally dawned on me that there is indeed a noticable difference between leaders and followers, doers and thinkers, CAP 3.6 and above people and those that fall below it. Just that extra tinge of effort is needed, more hard work, more dedication. Easier said than done, cos group members' support is very important too.
Imagine standing alone at the peak, with no one else standing along side you. The evil realm that lies below, uncertainties, fear of missing a step and losing that foothold can indeed churn into an emotional turmoil, creating a spiral effect.

Human beings work in the most astounding way. Strange as it may seem, true friendships only surface when crisis arise. Evil kindness? An oxymoron indeed.

Whatever it may be, the greatest point to note is that after all the shit that has happened, life is still beautiful after all. True friendships stand the test of time, true friends stand by each other, give, love, care for each other unconditionally and are never afraid to express this wonderful wonderful trait. I'm glad I get to witness this heartwarming sight, albeit the scare that everyone went thru. Something good did come out, and it just shows that, when you face the sun with an open heart, you never get to see the darkness. =)

I'm so glad I'm living and experiencing and the people around me are loving. More family members! No one's complaining! <3

April's Fool turned me into a great fool indeed, with a prank backfiring and causing me to freak out like hell, the thought of getting an F for a module is definitely not appropriate for the faint hearted. And to add to that, my abysmal CAP cant take any more plunges, six feet under is not funny. Having toothpaste smeared on slippers, slippers stolen and clothes rack placed right in front of my door almost drove me nuts. Pity me? Maybe not cos I provoked these people first.Serve me right I hear.
Boys will be boys.haha. How does chilli/ colgate filled collon taste like? =p

All in the name of good fun.

To stay or not to stay?

Oh, and the mummy smsed 'Lyn, mummy love you' A pleasant surprise which kinda shocked me alittle. It's like daddy going ' let's go mambo!'
I shall outrightly show my love to little cherlyns next time and change the whole asian culture and traditions. Every sunrise matters.

Next up, the heartlander's song! When I'm more inspired that is.

Wanted to share an absolutely stunning photo, but due to copyright issues, this is the safest. I need to get a good camera soon...

credits to me! =)